My startling piece on “leftist scene” activities in Berlin yesterday not only raised a few eyebrows among the more vigilant of you defenders of democracy out there everywhere, it also seems to have triggered a daring move by the spearhead of a new international conspiracy of so-called “workers.” I was abducted in the night by a small group of these Venture Communists (groups of workers like these are by necessity small, there being so few workers left in Germany these days) and subjected to hours of merciless indoctrination in an abandoned light bulb factory somewhere in Wedding, I think. The struggle for a new international investment model is now underway, in other words. So wake up people, like I had to wake up. We’re all going to die.

I was told, again and again and again and again, that Venture Communism is a revolutionary new investment model designed to be a revolutionary form of the revolutionary worker’s revolutionary struggle. Is that revolutionary, or what? And just who this mysterious revolutionary worker guy is, they wouldn’t say. But the Venture Commune (their group or cell) is a type of voluntary worker’s association who follows this guy, I guess, and it seems to be designed to “enclose the productivity of labor and enable the possibility of the collective accumulation of land and capital, which, in the endgame, will eventually allow us (as in them) to buy the entire world from the Capitalists.” Read that slowly again, please. I had to.

Many long hours passed and my abductors eventually tired of trying to convert someone who obviously still can’t figure out what the word “dialectic” means. They drugged me with coffee and dropped me off blindfolded at a McDonald’s drive-through which hadn’t quite opened yet. In Zehlendorf, of all places. Boy, am I tired now. And hungry. But I just had to post this for you before going back to bed. And this is hard as hell with that blind fold on, too, let me tell you. So let the struggle be with you or something, comrades.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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