Scores of worried spectators huddled on high ground near JFK and LAX shivered with anticipation as two of the world’s largest passenger planes made their maiden voyage from Europe to America. The spectacular flights had been marred by the even more spectacular fact that all passengers had been forced aboard the aircraft at gunpoint by ruthless Airbus management thugs.

The hijacked passengers, several hundred soon-to-be redundant Airbus employees who had just been picketing a few of the larger eight dozen or so European Airbus production facilities earlier that morning, had been tricked into coming to Frankfurt and Toulouse on management’s promise to finally resolve the issue of their future employment status “in a way that will satisfy all parties involved.”

Once at the airports, however, the unsuspecting strikers where then whisked away to the tanking aircraft (it takes a week to tank these babies up, too) by darkly-clad thugs indicating that they had weapons in their pockets. They were then strapped to their seats, told to remain calm, and given the choice of either chicken or beef. The beef was already gone though, of course.

No demands have yet been made by Airbus management other than that “if any of you pukes ever want to come back to Europe again, we must demand that you buy the return ticket yourself. Money’s tight these days, you know. Otherwise, have a wonderful stay in the United States.”

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