What could possibly be worse than reading Vanity Fair? Other than reading it regularly, I mean. That’s right, reading it in German. Now don’t get me wrong or anything, I like German. That’s why this latest incident has got me all hot and bothered. The language kann nichts dafür (can’t help it). No sooner do the Germans come out with an awfully accurate imitation of the awfully inaccurate original than the Klatsch (gossip) rag just has to announce (in an “unsourced” report) that “Brangelina” are heading for town, as in Berlin – and will sooner or later be taking out the power plant, of course.

That’s right. Hollywood’s hottest couple, two consenting adults who actually let themselves be called Brangelina, are rumored to have bought a large loft apartment somewhere around Alexanderplatz. Wow (or vow, if you prefer). Like how absolutely, uh, unnecessary is that? Take about vanity fair (or unfair vanity, if you prefer).

I know, I know. I understand that they are madly in love and live in a jet and are joined at the hip and want to finally get that operation over and done with and settle down for good and all that, but here? Haven’t they already spent enough time in town already?

“Good news for Berlin’s real estate market”? Oh sure. Would you buy a place here after they get through with this town? Once they flatten the power plant, I mean?

I don’t believe any of this, of course. They just want to prime the pump before they fly in and watch a few films at the Berlinale (does anybody know if they’re showing any monster movies this year?). But if they are here, and still here next week, somebody please make them go away again. Otherwise we may have to unleash Mothra, or use nuclear force.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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