The English monarchy have some strange habits.

Queen Elizabeth II apparently likes a Gin and Tonic before lunch. Well what the hell is wrong with that? In my opinion if everyone had a G&T mid morning the whole planet would be a better place. The Queen is in her 90’s and I say more power to her.

English monarchs before her had less genteel habits than a G&T for ‘elevenses’. If you don’t know the term, look it up!

Some locked their perceived enemies in the Tower of London and had them ‘quietly disappear’. Others were less careful of public concern and did whatever they wanted. Henry VIII was the poster child for royalty going off the rails.

Henry was from the ‘House Of Tudor’ and in order to keep the Tudor name in power he needed a male heir. This proved to be a problem, poor Henry seemed incapable of ‘siring’ a male heir and the Pope got fed up with granting King Henry annulments to his marriages. I am not trying to force a history lesson on you, but that is how the Church of England was born.

Let me explain why this is relevant to Mitch McConnell. In the court of the good King Henry this was a much coveted position, ‘The Groom Of The Stool’ was a titled man who had the kings ear at important times.

One description of this vital job is:

Everyone deserves some peace and quiet on the toilet. Everyone, that is, except for past kings of England. It might sound horrifying, but in early modern Britain, monarchs would employ personal attendants to keep them company while taking a dump. Their official job title was Groom of the Stool, and Atlas Obscura describes it as a “highly coveted position.”

Wikipedia says:

The Groom of the Stool was a male servant in the household of the English monarch who was responsible for assisting the king in his toileting needs.[3] It is a matter of some debate as to whether the duties involved cleaning the king’s anus, but the groom is known to have been responsible for supplying a bowl, water and towels and also for monitoring the king’s diet and bowel movements

This brings us to the question.. is Mitch McConnell Trumps Groom Of The Stool? Well certainly Mitch has lost his will to fight, so maybe a couple of rolls of Charmin (extra soft) is not too big a price to pay?

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