Microsoft and I go way back. I remember the IBM PC launch in 1981, it was a machine that only a mother could love! I was part if the IBM Pig Iron and Piglet Iron (Mainframes and Mini’s). The company I worked for bought a bunch of these ‘stocking stuffers’ , this was the term that us old hands called the awful and functionally useless, about the only good thing about the expensive ugly stepchild was that IBM had outsourced almost every element of the monster.

Microsoft had the Operating System DOS (Disk Operating System), which they had bought on the cheap, and MS Basic, a simple programming tool.

Microsoft has come a long way since DOS v1.0. Then along came Windows. Oh it did not come with much fanfare, most people thought it was a joke. The smirking stopped with Windows version 3.3, AKA Windows For Workgroups. This critter was a game changer, it permitted PC’s to be networked together, gone was the need for bank breaking Novell solution, hell it was even cheaper than Lantastic, Of course to use windows you needed a ‘digital rodent’, a mouse!

It was a wondrously simple device, a ball rubbed against two rollers, one roller registered north south movement, and the other east west. On the top were two buttons, the left click and the right click. This was engineering at its finest. Of course people are never content with the status quo and the mouse evolved, Some idiot decided that what was needed was a wheel between the buttons, this would allow the user to ‘scroll’ through a document, or a web page. This seemed like a harmless enough invention, but some body with the IQ of a Gnat (likely with a PhD, they are always the dumbest) decided that it would be great to add a ‘click’ feature to the wheel.

This is the dumbest feature known to man, it rivals ‘Pet Rocks’

Let me explain. A number of years ago I suffered a couple of minor strokes. They left me mostly deaf in my right ear, this I do not actually have a beef with, when I want to tune out someone, I position myself so they are yakking in my right ear. It works a treat!

Of more concern is the loss of fine motor control in my right hand. Typing is not a problem, but picking up loose coins, or any small object is a huge challenge. I dread signing my name, no two signatures are ever the same!

So why do I hate today’s Mouse? The lack of fine motor skills in my hand are accompanied by a lack of normal feeling in my fingers. At best I get a tingling sensation when touching something.

The problem is, my fingers wander and the evil wheel button gets clicked. I don’t even know what the wheel click is supposed to do, but it always seems to cause havoc to whatever I am doing.

Windows is endlessly customizable, yet there seems to be no way to disable the evil wheel click. I got a rather spanky Multi Tool for Christmas and I am seriously contemplating a Hardware patch to fix the problem.

In versions of Windows past it was possible to disable this terrible feature. Windows 10 however has taken that option away. I know there must be some trick in the Registry Set ANNOY SIMON “0”.

My main weapon is a Dell Laptop, if it was a car, it would have a million miles on it For almost a decade I have used Dell Inspiron laptops. I like them, and Dell’s customer service is second to none. I am classed as a ‘corporate’ customer and support is next day onsite.

The only issue I have with laptops is the keyboard, it is a little small, and when finger challenged as I am, I spent as much time fixing errors as I do writing. The solution is to use an external keyboard and mouse. The problem is always the stinking mouse, that scroll wheel and button cause me grief every single day.

This evening I got some great news, my wife’s Mouse is broken, the wheel and click are not working! First thing in the morning we are off to get her a new mouse and I get the broken working one. WHOOPEE

The multi tool can remain a virgin in its adult proof shrink wrak packaging, and my existing mouse avoids a trip to the hardware Operating Room.

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