As far as I can tell, there are only two things wrong with Scientology: Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Okay, three: Everybody else involved with this “movement”, too. But the current panic going on around town here in Berlin these days is thoroughly unbegründet (unjustified). Like take a chill pill already.

Look, just because Scientology announced last week that it set a record for growth in 2006 by building over 1,500 new centers, missions and churches all over the world (including exotic locales like Afghanistan, Niger and Bahrain) and now operates 7,500 institutions in 163 countries and is still on an inexplicably aggressive expansion drive, well, that’s no reason to get nervous.

And just because the German Office for the Protection of the Constitution thinks that “there is substantial evidence that the Scientology Organization is involved in activities directed against the free democratic order” and that many insiders believe that the sect is on a holy campaign to “scientologize” Europe in order to influence politics here, well, that’s no reason to get alarmed. That’s reason to get armed! You should have been alarmed years ago, folks. Oops, forgot. You’re not allowed to arm yourselves here.

So calm back down again. After all, you have no other choice in the matter. And your eye lids are getting heavy. And like what’s the big deal, anyway? Nobody got all that hot and bothered about other centers for other scary religious movements being planned here in Berlin, did they? Well, actually, they did a little. But their movement is not as big, I guess.

And sure, that heliport on top of the new Scientology building with the “UFO” instead of an “H” inside is a little weird, too, but hey, Cruise and Travolta and co. swear up and down that they are coming in peace.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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