I find it amusing the way that reality TV programs portray the bounty hunter. I always get a good giggle when watching Dog The Bounty Hunter. Armed with Paintball Guns and cans of pepper spray they set out to bring in the ‘worst of the worst’. Actually they mostly bring in low level drug offenders. Other Bounty Hunting operations have adopted the ‘Dog’ theory, the rationale being, flamboyant is always good. One of my favorites being the Lipstick Bounty Hunters, well lets face it, everyone needs a shtick, pink shirts and dyed blond hair, what could possibly go wrong?

The real world of being a recovery agent (fancy name for Bounty Hunter) is somewhat different. It is hours of boredom interspersed with short bursts of excitement.

It was just over a week ago, the two men were tired. Tracking down the fugitive was proving to be more challenging than expected. Probably they had the right area where the man was hiding. But where the hell was he?

A cunning plan needed to be formulated, unlike the TV series or the Lipstick Bounty Hunters randomly kicking in doors was not an option. The police take a dim view of repeated 911 calls about home invasions. It is a sure fire way to spend some quality time behind bars. A gentler, softer approach was needed. The solution was to dump the uniforms and flash vehicle. In its place a beat up Pickup truck, a ladder and a bucket of tar. A roofing company offering free inspections. A great way to snoop around and not generate a lot of interest.

All was going well, there was one property that they wanted to take a look at and unfortunately the Roofing ruse would not work. The solution was to wait until ‘dark thirty’, the problem was that the place was a bit of a party house. The solution, to retire to a motel parking lot and try again at 3:30am, by that time even the hardiest of party goer would be asleep.

With 90 minutes to kill, the duo sat in silence. A car appeared, it managed to crash into the gate, recover its composure, and then then come to rest hitting a wall with its brake lights on. As the entire episode had occurred at a speed comparable to a snail rushing to the lettuce patch there seemed little reason to intercede. The only injury likely would be fixed by some aspirin in the morning. After 10 minutes no one had appeared out of the vehicle, the pair went back to their private thoughts.

3am is a time when the eye lids tend to close, and indeed the eye lids did close.

They may have been dressed like roofers, but, they carried more than nail guns. Both had put loaded 9 millimeters on their lap, never mind the UZI and other tools of the trade that skulked in the truck.

“Hands on the roof” the alarm clock screamed.

Well the alarm clock was a rather grumpy looking cop with ten of his best friends. All had weapons drawn and ready to play the ‘shoot the roofer game’. The pair had fallen asleep with their guns on their laps and in full view. One can guess as to the sequence of events leading up to this predicament were. Someone at the hotel had noticed the car that had crashed into the gate and wall. Upon their arrival the police had in turn noticed the two roofers napping nearby. I am sure that the police realized that roofing was a potently dangerous career, falls from roofs and ladders are always a possibility, but, the cop reasoned, a gun would hardly help.

It took no time at all for the roofers to be wide awake!

“Don’t touch the guns”

“No Sir” the roofers answered in unison.

It took a little while to explain the UZI and other bits and pieces of paraphernalia used in the practice of hunting humans. The good news is that they had all of the right documentation and the police merely gave them a little lecture on the subject of falling asleep in a hotel parking lot with fire arms clearly visible.

Meanwhile, the occupants of the car mating with the wall were hauled off for what I am guessing was some problem involving booze and maybe drugs.

Later that day I spoke to the duo. One said ”I am glad it happened where it did, in another county or state, we would just be a statistic!”

A funny story, but, a rather serious one, it could have had a very different outcome.

Simon Barrett

Be Sociable, Share!