I have always loved watches, they are portable and useful. They tell you what time it is. I think this is a great adjunct to any wrist.

Over the years I have owned many watches. The 1960’s were the golden ages of the manual watch, once every couple of days it needed to be wound up, the cheaper ones did not keep particularly accurate time but that was not a big problem, every week or so you could reset the time. The 60’s also introduced the glow in the dark radioactive dial. I had to have one, your bedroom could be pitch black but the ‘glow in the dark’ feature would tell you what time it was.

The 70’s ushered in the dawn of the electronic watch. A wonderful red led system. I of course had to have one or five! I loved them, some models even went so far as to tell you the day of the week and the date. I even owned one that had had a small numeric keyboard, it was a calculator.This feature was about as useful as a ham sandwich at a Jewish Wedding, but I loved the bragging rights.

The 80’s were some what boring. Sure we started to see a demise of the Red Led system in favor of a black on white display with a backlight system. Red was passe, I was an early convert to black on white. OK, there were a few issues, if you hit the light button it was so bright that you could not actually read the time, but it sure worked great for illuminating the front door when you were fiddling with your keys.

The 90’s saw the emergence of incredibly smart and targeted consumer products. I rushed out and bought a watch that I could use as a countdown timer for yacht racing. This might be the difference in the race, knowing the time to start line is important. I was also traveling a great deal, so a watch with a built in altimeter seemed perfect. I had not considered the fact that the watch worked on air pressure, so it was completely useless on a plane.

The ‘00’s reintroduced me to simple Timex watches. Ok that is not quite true. It had more buttons than an ATM. What the buttons did, I have no clue. For six months of the year it showed the proper time, and for six months it was time shifted by an hour. I alas have had to retire my trusty Timex, it was a valiant warrior, it saw me through many battles. I considered tossing it in the trash, but that seemed so disrespectful, instead I think I will dig a small grave in the backyard and bury it with full watch honors.

The 10’s have created the era of the smart watch. But who cares? Who needs a watch that talks to a phone? As my phone is as dumb as a stump that plugs into the wall, I can see little benefit in this feature. My idea of Caller Id is to pick it up when it rings and ask who is calling. Nope, I am going back to the simple life. To quote from the great move ‘The Blues Brothers’ I am on a mission from god. My plan is to find the most simple watch I can, mechanical for sure. You wind it up and away it goes. It has only one function, it tells you the time.

I suspect that it will be a search. Thrift Stores and Yard Sales seem the best choice. But I will find a watch!

Think about it for a moment, who needs a watch that monitors your heart rate, blood pressure, and tells you the best solutions for Erectile Dysfunction? I just need one that tells the time. I’d probably go for a Sundial, but they tend to be a little unreliable at night and on cloudy days.

Simon Barrett

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