As promised, here is the first installment of Requiem For A Casanova – Simon
I really liked birthdays when I was younger. As I got older, I enjoyed them just as much and made sure I at least tried to have more fun on April 9th than any other day; no matter what day of the week the 9th of April fell on.
One time I got laid on my birthday! One time I got drunk. One time I got high. One time I did some cocaine. One time I went to a movie. One time, I sat outside and stared up at the night sky and thought that all of us are nothing more than bubbles floating through the air; I was neither drunk, high, or on cocaine when I had that thought!
This book is my 54th birthday present to myself. It’s my last piece of fiction for a while. This is my 6th novel, and I need a break from raising people from the dead and then burying them. My next novel will be a biography on Nelson A. Miles.
Nelson A. Miles was a Civil War hero — fought with distinction, honor and bravery while an officer with the Union Army and was made commandant of Fort Monroe, Virginia, when the president of the defunct confederacy was imprisoned there. Miles abused Jefferson Davis and was charged with doing so. At a subsequent trial, Miles didn’t get into any trouble. It was a whitewash of course. He married a Sherman. That was smart. Mary Hoyt Sherman was the daughter of Charles Sherman. Charles Sherman had two brothers — William, who was a hero of the Civil War and in charge of the United States Army, while Nelson rose rapidly up the ranks, and John, who was one of the most powerful members of the United States Senate during the 19th century. Nelson Appleton Miles was involved in the Indian Wars. He captured Geronimo but gave no credit to the man who he ordered to do all the work (Charles Bare Gatewood). He also lied to Geronimo about the terms of that great chief’s surrender. Since he knew how to push an ex-president and the Apaches around, he was given the task of dealing with the Sioux and their mythical Ghost Dancing. Miles was in charge when the United States Army massacred over 300 Indians at Wounded Knee, which led to the murder of Sitting Bull. Allegedly, Miles was critical of the tactics used at Wounded Knee and in arresting Sitting Bull. We shall see about that. He also commanded troops that put down the Pullman Strike and was head of the army during the Spanish American War. He personally led the invasion of Puerto Rico. He retired at the turn of 19th century with the rank of Lt. General. His Civil War record aside, Nelson A. Miles was a great conqueror of the little guy. Maybe I should call the book: Nelson A. Miles – – the man who conquered the zombies, werewolves and vampires of his day.
On second thought, maybe a biography of Dalton Trumbo would be more suitable for a conspiracy theorist like me. After all, Trumbo fought real life zombies, werewolves and vampires.
One of my favorite lines in this book is “I still can’t influence myself sometimes.” I still can’t. I also throw in a lot of hocus-pocus.
I hate reading glasses. It won’t be long until I will only be able to read when the letters are three feet high. It will help to usher in giant PC screens into everyone’s home. They will be larger than the HDTV’s — like mini drive-in screens. Drive-in theaters are defunct.
Defunct. Defunct is a good word for my bank account, my bar business, and American exceptionalism.
My good friend Stephen Heck, who designed both the front and back cover for this novel, is the only American who I ever met who was an exception. He is the epitome of a free spirit. There will never be another Stephen Heck.
Diane Walters helped edit this book. She is a true editor. Focusing on my spelling, grammar (lack of), and typos (lots of); she doesn’t interfere with content or characters. We do all our business via email and regular mail. We have never met or spoken on the phone, and we consider ourselves friends. Who knew you could do such things with technology?
THOUGHTS WHILE SHAVING:
Do you really care where they take your garbage? Are the items we drop off at the recycling bin, really recycled?
A cocky person lives constantly on the altar of their ego.
I know a lot of people who could use Religion Anonymous.
Would you rather have mommy or a nurse take care of you when you have the flu?
Speaking about health, ask your higher power for good health — screw money, fame, or lots of sex.
I knew a girl who was so cheap she loaned her parents money and made them sign an IOU. I should write her name, because she is too cheap to buy this book and read her name. Furthermore, the thought of paying an attorney would put her in an early grave.
You can’t afford to be honest anymore.
I have read on the toilet, and now I text on the toilet. I could go on and on about things in the bathroom, but my wife says I am, way, too scatological.
I used to write this inside any mathematical text books I was forced to study in school.
“In case of fire, throw this in.” I hope nobody does that to my books.
The best line in The Bible is “Be fruitful and multiply.”
I have had to go to court a few times in 2013. I finally learned to shut my mouth and not question the authority of those assholes and morons we call judges and/or magistrates. I did rebel by wearing a Marx Brothers tie that they couldn’t see under my double breasted jacket.
I love my wife, Juliette. She loves me. I’m not worth her spit.
PS Remember dear readers that everyone is entitled to both a prologue and an epilogue.