Comments on: Baby Scoop Era Mothers Talk About Their Pain http://www.bloggernews.net/13218 High-quality English language analysis and editorial writing on the news. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:36:48 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Stace http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-1594617 Stace Thu, 22 Apr 2010 23:06:58 +0000 http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-1594617 I was adopted in 1965 and it didn't take. My whole life is about adoption; it seeps into everything I am and do and think. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Attachment Disorder and ADHD and I have at my centre a wound that is bigger than I am. I have paid for therapy for years and years and years, but I can't seem to heal. People who are hurt this badly so early often have difficulties learning to trust and love. They fail to develop empathy and spend their lives battling feelings of emptiness and social isolation. Hatred of women is at the center of this. It's simply horrible. I was adopted in 1965 and it didn’t take. My whole life is about adoption; it seeps into everything I am and do and think. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Attachment Disorder and ADHD and I have at my centre a wound that is bigger than I am. I have paid for therapy for years and years and years, but I can’t seem to heal. People who are hurt this badly so early often have difficulties learning to trust and love. They fail to develop empathy and spend their lives battling feelings of emptiness and social isolation. Hatred of women is at the center of this. It’s simply horrible.

]]> By: iknickles http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-1406376 iknickles Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:16:32 +0000 http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-1406376 Adoption can be a beautiful, wonderful thing when it's done legally and with the child's best interest in mind. I was raised by my father and stepmother from the age of 10 on. My stepmother has never been capable of natural pregnancy and has exhausted every effort to concieve and is now trying to adopt. She was a mother to me, she fed my sister and I, dressed us and loved us. Some young women simply do not have the means or maturity to care for a baby. I DO NOT believe that anyone should be coerced into adoption. However, I do believe that it should always be a viable option for women. One thing I would love to see is less government involvement, I feel that is the biggest problem with the adoption process, and the agencies are FAR too concerned with getting their money. Adoption can be a beautiful, wonderful thing when it’s done legally and with the child’s best interest in mind. I was raised by my father and stepmother from the age of 10 on. My stepmother has never been capable of natural pregnancy and has exhausted every effort to concieve and is now trying to adopt. She was a mother to me, she fed my sister and I, dressed us and loved us. Some young women simply do not have the means or maturity to care for a baby. I DO NOT believe that anyone should be coerced into adoption. However, I do believe that it should always be a viable option for women. One thing I would love to see is less government involvement, I feel that is the biggest problem with the adoption process, and the agencies are FAR too concerned with getting their money.

]]> By: rebecca http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-1405375 rebecca Sat, 12 Sep 2009 17:42:53 +0000 http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-1405375 I am one of those teen mothers, forced inot giving her child away. I am now 61 years old and have decided to address this heartache I have carried for 45 years. good to read of others thoughts and feelings on their experiences too. I am one of those teen mothers, forced inot giving her child away. I am now 61 years old and have decided to address this heartache I have carried for 45 years. good to read of others thoughts and feelings on their experiences too.

]]> By: SweetViolet http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-942 SweetViolet Thu, 21 Dec 2006 19:41:08 +0000 http://www.bloggernews.net/13218#comment-942 I became pregnant in 1964 at the age of 17. You would have thought I had committed cold blooded murder! My mother tried to force me into an illegal abortion and when that didn't work, she told me that I would have to go to a maternity home and give up my baby for adoption. I refused. The pressure put on me to give up my child was so great that, in my fourth month, I attempted to commit suicide. Fortunately both Baby and I survived. Eventually I was "married off" to someone who was not the child's father (the father was under age too and his parents thought that a girl who "got herself pregnant" at 17 wasn't good enough for their son!) The marriage lasted less than a year, but amazingly, the baby whom they all wanted aborted or given away to strangers and struck from memory was suddenly the "first grandchild," the apple of all their eyes. This left a permanently bitter taste in my mouth and a painful spot in my heart. It is not only the mothers who succumbed to the pressure to give up their babies who suffered greatly in those bad old days. Even though I was able to keep my baby, the circumstances were traumatic and had a life-long negative effect, not only on me, but on my children as well. It's more than just adoption that needs to be reevaluated, it is the whole concept that the emotional well-being of a teen mother and her baby are of less value that the expectations, pride, and reputation of her parents and/or extended family. Rather than turn the event of a teen pregnancy into a tragedy that scars the entire family, we need to look into effective sex and contraceptive education (instead of abstinence and denial), ways to empower teen girls so they don't feel that having early sex is necessary to feel valued, and an acceptance and welcoming of new family members whether they arrive inside or outside the bonds of matrimony. I became pregnant in 1964 at the age of 17. You would have thought I had committed cold blooded murder!

My mother tried to force me into an illegal abortion and when that didn’t work, she told me that I would have to go to a maternity home and give up my baby for adoption. I refused. The pressure put on me to give up my child was so great that, in my fourth month, I attempted to commit suicide. Fortunately both Baby and I survived.

Eventually I was “married off” to someone who was not the child’s father (the father was under age too and his parents thought that a girl who “got herself pregnant” at 17 wasn’t good enough for their son!) The marriage lasted less than a year, but amazingly, the baby whom they all wanted aborted or given away to strangers and struck from memory was suddenly the “first grandchild,” the apple of all their eyes. This left a permanently bitter taste in my mouth and a painful spot in my heart.

It is not only the mothers who succumbed to the pressure to give up their babies who suffered greatly in those bad old days. Even though I was able to keep my baby, the circumstances were traumatic and had a life-long negative effect, not only on me, but on my children as well.

It’s more than just adoption that needs to be reevaluated, it is the whole concept that the emotional well-being of a teen mother and her baby are of less value that the expectations, pride, and reputation of her parents and/or extended family. Rather than turn the event of a teen pregnancy into a tragedy that scars the entire family, we need to look into effective sex and contraceptive education (instead of abstinence and denial), ways to empower teen girls so they don’t feel that having early sex is necessary to feel valued, and an acceptance and welcoming of new family members whether they arrive inside or outside the bonds of matrimony.

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