… someday, but here goes: I love to read the Weekly World News, and I’d drop everything and move to Florida to write for them without a second thought if the opportunity ever came along. Is there any other publication on earth with so much seditious energy? If so, I don’t know of it.

They tag themselves “The World’s Only Reliable Newspaper” and, you’ve got to admit, they’re at least as trustworthy as CBS.

Right on the cover of the current edition there are several stories that I predict will never make it into the staid Old Gray Lady, the New York Times.

  • NUKE SANK TITANIC!
    IT WAS NO ICEBERG!
    Shocking cover-up exposed 94-years later
  • Pillar of salt proven to be LOT’S WIFE!
  • INDIAN UNIVERSITY OFFERS EXTREMELY ADVANCED DEGREES FOR REINCARNATED STUDENTS

Dang … that last makes sense, don’t you think? Life experience ought to count for something, and if you’ve got dozens of lives under your belt then, shoot, it only makes sense that at least a masters degree should be waiting at the registrars office for pick-up.

Assuming you haven’t come back as a goldfish or something, I mean.

And speaking of goldfish, how ’bout this heartwarming tale concerning Ms. Edna Twombley, of Pulaski, Tennessee?

When Edna Twombley fell down the stairs and broke her leg, she was unable to move.

[ … ]

“I looked up and saw my three goldfish swimming around the bowl, more agitated than usual, as though they were upset for me,” Twombley said. “The next thing I knew, one of them jumped right out of the bowl and landed onto the keypad of my phone, activating the speakerphone function.

“One by one, the other goldfish jumped from the tank, the first one landing on the ‘9’ key, the next on the ‘1’ key …”

Really, now … doesn’t that make you feel good, and imbue you with a new appreciation for the mysterious relationships between man and animal? Perhaps, like Ms. Twombley, you think it’s time to stop eating seafood? I’m never eating another fishstick!

And here’s a book review I’ve marked with a sticky, so that I don’t fail to read it later: The Da Vinci Co-Ed.

Seriously, it’s way better reading than the 200 to 300 earnest, sneakily dishonest e-mails that I get from various and sundry special interest groups each day.

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