I think the picture says it all.

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Um, hi Mom, I dressed up for the big wedding, I even had my servants polish my medals. I do hope that you won’t send me to the Tower Of London just because of my kids. Beatrice told me that Pretzel Hats were all the craze. In fact she told me that if I nixed the Pretzel Hat she would be the only person in the wedding party without one. Princess Eugenie told me that Pretzels were out, the ‘In Thing’ was wearing a Blue Plastic nut protector. I believe the colonies refer to it as ‘a Box’, apparently, and obviously I know little about the colonies, they engage in sporting activities that might result in nad damage.

Personally I think that if everyone played Polo a lot of nad damage could be avoided. Our original hat plan was to have Princess Eugenie wear a well groomed Polo horse and player on her head. The hat designer however brought up a pertinent fact. She might have problems meeting the height restrictions on some of the doorways involved. And actually I think she looks good with a box on her head! You also have to consider that she had already spent her allowance on the rest of her outfit. She has a job lined up in Munich next October as a serving wench in a Bier Hall.

OK, I know that you are a little mad at me about the Pretzel hat worn by Beatrice, but kids will be kids. I want to point out that I did get her to tone it down. The world record for Pretzels is a beast weighing over 400lbs and was 12 feet across. At least she realized that 12 foot wide hat might be a bit of a challenge. I even talked her out of this…
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And, when you think about it, the Pretzel was a way better choice than her original idea.

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Please don’t cut my allowance, I’d have to get a job and become a commoner. I don’t even know what a Walmart is, and I certainly don’t know how to sell one. I don’t even know exactly what money is, but it sounds un-hygienic. Lots of people touching the same piece of paper! Icky!

Simon Barrett

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