The good news is that this has not happened yet. But it certainly seems that way. Lead attorney Jose Baez and his always abrasive side kick Cheney Mason seem intent on waging a war of suppression before the trial even starts. It does not seem to be a winning strategy, Judge Belvin Perry seems to have little use for much of the pure nonsense spewing forth from the mouths of Baez and Mason.

The football game has not even began, the whistle has not sounded but Baez and Mason are already using Hail Mary tactics.

Putting on my ‘weatherman’s hat’ I can offer a forecast of the Casey Anthony trial. It will be a bloodbath. It will make the Spanish Inquisition look like a bunch of pussy cats. An early defense request will be a larger table ‘Judge Perry we need a bigger table, there is no room for the bottles of Tums that are a vital part of the defense strategy’.

I think it is also likely that Baez and Mason will put up a spirited objection to the entire jury.

It does not take much to imagine:

Jose Baez – Judge Perry, how can my client possibly get a fair trial with this jury? They all speak english, they even read and write it, hell some of them have even been to school. This is not justice, this is a sham! I do want you to reconsider, I had the perfect location picked for this trial, I had personally interviewed the 12 Yaks for the jury, and the Mongolian herdsman had promised that he would wash them first to remove that Yak smell, And, for just an extra few dollars we could rent a few Yurts to stay in.

Chaney Mason
– Your honor this is an outrage, this trial is a sham. In the 8 million years that I have been a lawyer I can not think of another instance where the will of the people has been so misconstrued. I mean no disrespect to your honor or the court, but I am not sure that you really understand some of the legal terms.

Everyone that has spent any amount of time researching the subject of juries realizes that there was a typo. It is not ‘your peers’, it it ‘your piers’, harmless non speaking structures that exist around water. Your honor, you are taking the legal profession in uncharted waters by your unprecedented move to have real people on this jury?

In fact I will go so far as to add that were it not the Jose and I are booked on just about every TV talk show known to man we would simply walk out of this court room.

This case is not about the guilt or innocence of some stupid young lady, we all know she did it, this is about justice.

Jose Baez
– Umm Chaney, I thought we were not going to admit she was guilty, Cos if we do they will cut off our public funding.

Cheney Mason – Jose brings up a good point, and one that also needs to be talked about. The whole public funding thing is BS. Never in my many years of being a lawyer have I been expected to account for money.

If I send a flunky to pick up my clean suits from the Dry Cleaners I bill the client. What you are doing is inhumane, you are making me pick up my own suits, and to add insult to injury you want me to pay my own bill. It is nothing short of an outrage.

Jose Baez – It’s not just Dry Cleaning, the damn state won’t even buy me a new car. I am also bothered by what your honor might have on the docket for lunches while this trial is in progress. A plate of Kraft Cheese Singles Sandwiches may be OK for the Jury, but men like Cheney and I need fine dining. At the first sign of a ‘roach coach’ in the parking lot, we will be filing a ‘cruel and unusual punishment’ motion.

Cheney also has doctors notes explaining why he cannot eat Taco Bell, McDonalds, KFC, etc. OK they are not really signed by a doctor, but they are real. My unpaid intern signed them, and she has a first aid badge from the Brownies, so she knows her stuff.

Judge Perry
– Motion Denied. Well, the defense has used up all of the time for this morning session of the courts time. It is now 11:50, we will recess until 1:30. Mr Baez the Clerk Of The  Court has your meal vouchers. Your esteemed colleague showed huge displeasure at previous choices of eating establishments, this has been noted, and so I am happy to say the this week Subway has a special on, every ‘foot long’ is only $5 and the tax payer will be paying. Oh, and Mr. Mason, the Subway is right next door to a Family Fitness Center. The tax payer will not be picking up the tab, but you might want to check into it. I believe that a 30 day free trial is available.

Simon Barrett

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