Yesterday saw the launch of our latest radio adventure, a look at some of the amazing and crazy things people do intentionally or unintentionally seeking their 15 minutes of fame. Without really trying, many have become the wackiest criminals of the year.

Joining me to co-anchor the program were Mannie Barling and Ashley F Brooks. With the amount of rain they are contending with in Southern California I was surprised that they were able to break away from building their Ark to join me! Mannie had to take the row boat out of storage to go to the market.

Many have played roles in stupid news stories over the years. But we wanted to offer something new and unique. A sort of Saturday Night Live meets 60 Minutes. Maybe some of these stories that did not make the press or ones that just slipped by you on a busy day?

To that end we invited a very special guest to join in the fun, Arlene Sidaris. Arlene is a TV and movie producer, and together with her late husband Andy Sidaris should be household names to many people. Some will remember her for the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew TV series — she produced more than 40 episodes.

Sports fans will recognize the name Andy Sidaris from Monday Night Football, and his multiple Emmy Awards including the Emmy winning coverage of the ill fated Munich Olympics. Done with sports and family programs the pair collaborated on 12 movies. Many of these movies are still to be found on late night TV or are available to rent at any store.

Action/adventure themed, the movies were not so much about Bombs, Blasts, Bullets and Bugatti’s but rather Boobs, Babes, Bikinis and Beaus were the order of the day. Inevitably this combination earned a consistent ‘R’ rating from the censors and scorn from their Hollywood friends!

Arlene Sidaris has many great stories to share and it was a real treat to have her join us on the program. She shared stories of her long friendship with Don Meredith who passed away two weeks ago.

Among the more unusual news items that caught our attention was the ex Police Chief of Huntington Park (a suburb of Los Angeles) who decided that he would take up photography as a hobby. While Ansel Adams is best well known for his fabulous landscapes, the ex-police chief preferred the human form, particularly pictures of his own private parts.

To make certain he would gain fame and fortune from his new hobby, he nailed these photos to trees in a local park near his home! I guess he thought this would be more effective than a dating service.  He was identified by fingerprints left on the photos. But several women recognized him – probably by his Night Stick.

What kind of idiot leaves photos of his genitals on jogging trails with his fingerprints. Shockingly, the former chief of police once served as a detective on the sex crime unit. You would think he learned a little about crime from watching the CSI TV shows.  When they sought to arrest him on charges, he was in Europe teaching police and security personnel techniques.  It makes you wonder what techniques?

In another story, a disabled British farmer heard a noise late at night. He assumed that a Fox (probably one of those imported American foxes terrorizing Britain) might be trying to gain an easy meal from his hens. Safely strapped into his Hoveround Electric chair he raced after the foxes armed with his shotgun. After firing a few shots, the farmer felt better and went back to bed satisfied that the Fox had been dispatched or at least seriously discouraged .

He was roused at 8:30 the next morning by the police. It had not been a Fox. Instead, he hit two young men seeking to steal 50 marijuana plants growing in a rented warehouse behind his property! What do the Police do? They remove the gun, tons of ammo, and took away the farmer’s gun licenses because he was dangerous to the community. Only the Brits could think of doing this.

The crowning glory this week has to go to China. While it is best known for making cheap goods and a terrible record on human rights, it is certainly trying to make a name for itself in Panda poo.  Yes, Panda poo.

The sacred Giant Panda eats a great deal of bamboo shoots every day. Apparently the average adult Panda produces around 45 lbs of Panda poo a day. I wonder if Charmin tissue has considered signing a Panda family to do celebrity endorsements for their product?

An enterprising Chinese sculptor has decided that Panda poo makes the ideal substance for works of art – the Venus de Milo (sold for $50,000 to some fool) and a life sized David. Personally I think he is Scat Brained!  And can you believe that neither he nor his child helpers wore gloves?

In the spirit of the season we also had to include the Salvation Army worker who decided that the name of the game was BYOK (Bring Your Own Kettle) when soliciting funds. Donors beware, if the kettle looks like a coffee can painted red, it might be! Amazingly, he was a convicted parolee (sex offender) and no one at the Salvation Army noticed the GPS ankle bracelet when he was hired. He was apprehended after a bicycle chase from the scene.  The police had to set up a road block.  There were no crash scenes or explosions.

These were just a few of the news items that we discussed this week. I do want to say a huge thank you to Arlene Sidaris for joining us. Her sense of the inane certainly fit the program.  She will be back with guns, hooters and other playboy stories.

If you missed the original live broadcast, you can catch the recording here.

Next Tuesday we are planning another program, we have not selected the topics yet, but there is no shortage of stupid and crazy material. Christmas is knocking at the door, I am sure that there will be plenty of idiocy happening over the next few days.

On a much more serious note, Ashley mentioned a very worthwhile cause. I am sure that most people still have some Christmas cards left, so please support our troops by sending a card and a message to someone that you have never met. Our young men and women are putting their lives at stake to support this great country we live in. Many have been severely injured, while some have no family. They are spending Christmas alone and some in fear. Please take a moment to send a card to:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington , D.C. 20307-5001

The card may not make the journey in time for Christmas, but who said Christmas was just one day of the year? It is okay to send a card or package any time of the year. A gift from a stranger, may be the best gift of all because it reassures our soldiers that Americans think of them and care. Please take some time to celebrate the young people that are doing so much for us.

My wife Jan’s oldest son had two tours of duty in Iraq, he came back in one piece, but so many others have not. There are families that will have an empty place setting at the Christmas dinner table. I know that I speak for myself, my wife Jan, Mannie Barling, Ashley F. Brooks and Arlene Sidaris in saying that we truly appreciate all that our troops do.

Simon Barrett

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