There is no doubt in my mind that Jan and I lead a strange existence. We tumble out of bed when we want to. We do not own an alarm clock. Generally though, one of us is up and around by 6am. My theory is to tumble out of bed, switch the coffee maker on, take a quick diversion to the bathroom, head into the living room/office, switch the TV on, discover that Jan has left it on a channel that I don’t like. So I locate the remote, and put it on CNN. By this time, the coffee pot is full enough that I can get a cup. I like my coffee while it is still being brewed. It has a unique flavor that alas is lost unless you catch it while it is still dripping. Obviously this only works if you have a coffee maker that cuts off the supply while you have the jug out!
It was a strange morning, neither Jan nor I had stirred, yet it was 7am. While we do not own an alarm clock we do indeed own the equally annoying telephone. It started ringing. Jan looked at the called id, “it’s for you, It’s Cobra”. My suggestion was to ignore it, he will lose interest after a few rings, and I’ll call him later.
William Cobra Staubs was not to be avoided. After the tenth ring I got out of bed and picked the phone up in the living room.
“Hi Cobra, whats new”.
“that chair that you sit on looks mighty uncomfortable, and don’t you think you should empty your ashtray?”
It is around this time that I knew there is a problem. But what might it be? That was answered by “Open the door or I’ll kick it in”.
Sure enough, Cobra is at my front door!
Of course he was not alone. He has another bounty hunter with him, and a felon in hand cuffs and leg irons in the back of the vehicle he is using!
He was on a delivery mission to Baton Rouge, and saw the exit to where Jan and I live!
So, Jan and I live in a quiet neighborhood, this is rush hour! People are heading to work. Cobra has his ‘uniform’ on. Black boots, black cargo pants, and black shirt. The shirt has the word AGENT in huge day glow yellow. It was pretty hard not to spot him. Of course having the side door open also provided a great ‘photo op’ of a HUGE guy in hand cuffs and leg irons.
There was not a single car that did not slow down to ‘rubberneck’.
There was a silver lining, at least Cobra turned up in a white regular ‘Soccer Mom’ rental minivan, rather than the black custom Cobramobile!
Unfortunately Cobra could not stay long, they needed to get their man to Baton Rouge. His real reason for stopping by was, to ask if we could recommend a placeÂ for breakfast? This question was an odd one, this town has all of the amenities of McMurdo Station (Antarctica).
The only thing we are missing is the ice and penguins.
The nearest thing to aÂ bar in this town is the coffee shop that has a beer license, and fine dining is pretty much limited to McDonalds and Taco Bell. The one exception being a wonderfully eclectic lunch spot ‘Don’s Seafood’. It opens at 11am, and by 11:01 it is full.
Cobra, his assistant, and the very large man in the chains did not seem to be likely candidates for an Egg McMuffin, or a breakfast Buritto, and Don’s was still hours away from opening.
They took off in search of food! Jan explained the directions to get to Slidell, which is the nearest center of population.
I found out later that Cobra, while has an uncanny ability to locate the ‘bad guys’ apparently cannot locate whole cities. Slidell being one of them!
Miles off course, they did eventually find a place for breakfast. To remain low key, apparently they removed the handcuffs from their charge, but kept the leg irons on.
I am sure that the folks in whatever community the cafe was located in will be telling the story for many years to come!
The neighbors have been avoiding me for a few days, but I am sure they will get over it eventually.
Simon and Jan Barrett