Taking many Germans completely off guard, recent allegations that Siemens has links to an embezzlement scandal involving a Nigerian dictator and the long-running bribery investigation at Volkswagen have actually improved Germany’s standing in the international business community.

“Wow,” said one American mega-manager who wished to remain unnamed. “I never figured that the Germans were this sleazy. I mean, you know, they’ve had to carry around this squeaky-clean image with them for years and years like that and I suppose that after a time, they actually started believing that nonsense themselves. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing, I guess. It’s good that someone has finally developed the courage and the backbone to break out of such a vicious circle of pathological denial like that. I’m so happy for them.”

The unnamed captain of industry, also wearing a dark hood, then went on to explain that to the best of his knowledge, these two spectacular scandals are actually just the latest in a long series of disgraceful and unethical German misbehavior which has taken place in recent years.

“These guys aren’t in the Enron league or anything,” he said. “But give them a couple years and you might see some stellar performance. They’re hungry, you know? Like locusts. And a real pleasure to watch. Everybody likes an underdog. Or underhund, I guess they call them over there.”

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