Comments on: Real-World Bullies Won’t be Stopped Appeasement http://www.bloggernews.net/121908 High-quality English language analysis and editorial writing on the news. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:26:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Ben Leichtling http://www.bloggernews.net/121908#comment-1407119 Ben Leichtling Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:26:36 +0000 http://www.bloggernews.net/121908#comment-1407119 Thanks for nailing it m2c, It is just like blaming the abused wife or the raped girl. There’s no excuse for the predator’s behavior in those situations and none for bullies either. Or for their protective, coddling parents. We’ve allowed a whole generation of educators and teachers (and parents) grow up with the wrong ideas. Minimizing, excusing, explaining, justifying, appeasement, begging and bribery do not stop real bullies. Never have. The supposedly educated people have been taught completely wrong and we and our children suffer for it. Unfortunately, it’ll take a lot of pain before we’ll be able to change the situation generally. But as a coach and consultant working with concerned parents and principals, we’ve been able to change situations locally. Best wishes, Ben Thanks for nailing it m2c,

It is just like blaming the abused wife or the raped girl.

There’s no excuse for the predator’s behavior in those situations and none for bullies either. Or for their protective, coddling parents.

We’ve allowed a whole generation of educators and teachers (and parents) grow up with the wrong ideas.

Minimizing, excusing, explaining, justifying, appeasement, begging and bribery do not stop real bullies. Never have. The supposedly educated people have been taught completely wrong and we and our children suffer for it.

Unfortunately, it’ll take a lot of pain before we’ll be able to change the situation generally. But as a coach and consultant working with concerned parents and principals, we’ve been able to change situations locally.

Best wishes,
Ben

]]> By: m2c http://www.bloggernews.net/121908#comment-1385043 m2c Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:14:48 +0000 http://www.bloggernews.net/121908#comment-1385043 I wonder if the people who believe that "if you love bullies, if you give them what they want, if you’re kind enough, then you’ll melt their hearts, they’ll come to their senses and they’ll stop bullying" - I wonder if they realize that they are passing the blame on to the victim. That really upsets me. It wasn't very long ago when rape victims were blamed for being raped. How many times did we hear: "Well, she wasn't dressed modestly enough." Or "She should not have been in that part of town." "She should not have been living/driving/working alone." And the one that takes the cake "It's a husband's right." I am sick and tired of the victims being blamed! There are bullies on the playground, college campuses, on the street and in small and large businesses! There are neighborhood bullies and they are of all ages! When are people going to place the blame where it belongs - on the bully! And when are parents and schools going to take the lead in teaching kids that it is WRONG!? Even if they accept that responsibility (which IS theirs) it will take generations to change things. Een so we/they have to start NOW! I wonder if the people who believe that “if you love bullies, if you give them what they want, if you’re kind enough, then you’ll melt their hearts, they’ll come to their senses and they’ll stop bullying” - I wonder if they realize that they are passing the blame on to the victim. That really upsets me.

It wasn’t very long ago when rape victims were blamed for being raped. How many times did we hear: “Well, she wasn’t dressed modestly enough.” Or “She should not have been in that part of town.” “She should not have been living/driving/working alone.” And the one that takes the cake “It’s a husband’s right.”

I am sick and tired of the victims being blamed! There are bullies on the playground, college campuses, on the street and in small and large businesses! There are neighborhood bullies and they are of all ages!
When are people going to place the blame where it belongs - on the bully! And when are parents and schools going to take the lead in teaching kids that it is WRONG!? Even if they accept that responsibility (which IS theirs) it will take generations to change things. Een so we/they have to start NOW!

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