Military and defense experts in Afghanistan have severely criticized German police trainers for failing to effectively teach the Afghan police force how to properly provide security for the local population and concentrating on showing them how to set up speed traps instead.

“This will never do,” said one fact-finding official in the middle of nowhere who had just been handed a speeding ticket from two grinning Afghan policemen who had suddenly jumped out from behind a badly rusted Soviet-era tank on the roadside just a few moments before.

“Look, I’m very late for an important meeting in Kandahar because, uh, the battery in my alarm clock died last night. And a suicide bomber went off across the street this morning and blocked my garage for a while. And don’t you people have anything better to do than to harass peace-keeping non-citizens like me? What? There is absolutely no way in hell I was doing 120!”

During a press conference held later in the day, a spokesman for Germany showed little understanding for all the fuss. “After all, Rome was not built in a day, you know,” he said. “And you can bet that the Romans were the last ones to allow speeding back then, too. If we cannot go about this nation building process in an orderly manner, then we shouldn’t go about it all.”

“So please drive carefully and remember: If you feel you have to speed like that just because you are late all the time, then it is up to you to remember to always leave home or work a few minutes earlier.”

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