For example, when I heard that the child Madonna adopted from Africa had a father I thought it would have been better for Madonna to provide for the father and child so they could stay together. That is IF the father really wanted his child. (I don’t know)

I thought it would have been better for Madonna (and all adoptive parents) to adopt a child with no living relatives OR none who WANTED to take in the child.

Unfortunately some extended families and foster families will take in a child for the money if the child is subsidized in some way. That does not guarantee a loving home as many horror stories prove.

On the other hand I’m sure there are low incomen families who would like to adopt but are prevented from doing so because they are poor.

I think it would be ideal to enable children to stay in their cultural environment but how practical is that?

And what is more important? A loving home in which the children are truly WANTED? Or a “home/institution” that is obliged to care for them for the money or to ensure their upbringing in their native culture?

We need to be much more generous in providing funds to support the best home for each child, more creative in finding the best home for each child and - very important - provide FOLLOW-UP to ensure each child’s continued well-being.

All meanings count also does the ones from John. I also agree that what Ms. Reyes wrote is one of courage and importance. But also can her ideas be questioned after understanding she also is a adoption mom.

Besides Ms. Riben her comments on John is paternalizing and not helping much adoptees who are unaware about the reality of many adoptions. Probably John does not know her book the Billion dollar Baby market and also not the articles she mentiones here.

United Adoptees International (UAI) does and so do we know a lot more as many adopters, adoption parents and authors. The interesting part is, due field research of adoptees in the world many scandals appeared and the UAI disclosed many of them by media and such. The UAI is one of the few organisations in the world who is active to put a stop to illegal adoption and childtrafficking actively. How many people are doing this also ? Not many as we found out.

At the end, authors of adoption books and many adoption parents seek the save side and are not really willing to get into the dangerous political field of intercountry adoption.

The UAI does and is because of her involvement many times under attack of many sp called gooed adopters and adoption parents.

We were, next to foundation ACT the only ones who wrote to the UK and US embassies in Malawi in the case of ‘Mercy James’.

We were the only ones who helped the birth mothers in Belgium last feew months to get a stand in the Belgium Senate while they want to introduce ’sealed records’again. Where were all the others calling that interest of mothers and adoptees are important.

Who is willing to write the permanent bureau of the Hague Convention on Adoption to tell them the group of advisors should be extended with adoptees instead of Ethica adoption moms ? I guess no one…

John I guess you have the rught to have your opinion but many adoptees who found the truth about the adoption and many who did not, are not happy with their adoption. Even when they are, many of them question the intentions and the backgrounds of their adoption.

You should udnerstand, that the debate about adoptions has many different levels. Your personal adoption (being adopted) is a different issues as the procedures, treaties and ethics behind adoption. Many adoptees are most loyal to their adoption and adoption parents and thats good and nohting wrong about it. But Loyalty is different as the primal bound we have with our origins. And this all is different with attachement which is scientifically used to score you on the succesboard of adoption. Loyalty can make you blind for the reality and many adoptees have not much space to stay calm and overthink the reality regarding adoption without becoming emotional. Which is vert normal. But we adoptees should learn to understand adoption as a whole will we have a discussion where adopters and adoption parents will listen to us. Study and research about the issues and develop our own language regarding adoption. Intercountry Adoption (ICA) is a dangerous fiels to enter as an adoptee. Or you are just a ‘child’ or you are to much involved and therefor not objective (as adoption parents are) or you don’t have a academic degree and if, than you people try to put you in the first two categories etc.

ICA is changing every day but what has not changed at all is the power of politics and adoption parent groups in the world. They are the most important part why things are go wrong and things are going so slow to develop.

But we need each other to change and to rewrite history. With each other but than every one needs to understand what is really going on and listen and seeing the ‘truth’ and not exclude anyone.

Mothers (and fathers) in Africa or Asia are no lesser mothers as in the West. We should empower these women instead of taken their children preaching it is the best interest of their children or themself. Economic wealth arguments may never breach the safety of children rights and their parents.

Protect the parents first so they can protect the children. Adoption is a last resort and not a facility.

We can change the world. Yes we can.

United Adoptees International

Hilbrand Westra

I stand by my point that Madonna is using these kids to make her appear youthful. Maybe her 20 year old boyfriend wants to have kids so she’ll fly over to Africa and get some more.

Her desire to adopt is selfish and self-serving. She is trying to turn her image into that of Mother Theresa. She is looking for redemption at the expense of these poor children.

I know many people who have adopted children from other countries. One family adopted 8, all from Poland orphanages. There were no cameras or headlines about this remarkable family. They wouldn’t have wanted that. They just wanted to have a family.

As a mother of “hard to place” children from Colombia, I have no problem with adoption from other countries, (my sons were older, and their younger siblings adopted by Colombian families…)

but both of the kids involved with Madonna have extended families who could care for them–neither of her choices are abandoned children, but from families who can’t afford formula needed to feed the kid in the first few years of life.

And I don’t have to watch photos of poverty: I’ve worked in Africa.

This isn’t about love and generosity of spirit. It’s about a public image that she seems to enjoy. She is a 50 year old woman who is closer to the grandmother years than the child bearing years.

I don’t think she can face the age thing. She isn’t a twenty-something material girl anymore. She’s an old publicity hound with a selfish need follow and set trends.

Why wouldn’t she donate some money to the locals for a school or a hospital or provide the town with a work program to enable it’s residents to become self sufficient?

Uh, because then she isn’t getting what SHE wants.

You might be interested to read what other internationally have to say:
http://www.transracialabductees.org/index.html

and: http://tinyurl.com/5qdjqe

Many recognize that the ends do not justify the means and that material advantages are not necessarily “better” than heritage and culture. What is wrong with trying to allow children to have BOTH — their own culture and the resources they need?

You are angry. But your anger is misplaced.

Nancy Reyes is courageous and speaks the absolute TRUTH - no BS! The Guatemalan government has set the same standards:

Family preservation first
extended family second
domestic adoption next
international - last resort

This is what is recommended by all child welfare experts: Save the children. The United nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, and The Hague Convention on International Adoption, Ethica and Adoptive Parents for Ethical Adoption Reforrm (aPEAR).

Other recommended reading that echoes what Reyes has written:

1. Child Trafficking by David Smolin works.bepress.com/david_smolin/

2. Romania for Export Only
romania-forexportonly.blogspot.com/

3. The Lie We Love by E.J.Graff
http://tinyurl.com/6p2sbb

4.Red Thread or Slender Reed
http://www.ethicanet.org/redthread_slenderreed.pdf

5. The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry http://www.AdvocatePublications.com

6.Read about the Hemlseys:
http://tinyurl.com/72s7kw

7. Meet The Parents: The Dark Side of International Adoption
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2009/03/meet-parents-dark-side-overseas-adoption

Your misdirected anger, John, is not uncommon among those of us who have experienced adoption loss and separation. You family of origins no doubt is angry as well that they did not receive the resources they needed to remain an intact family.

Mirah Riben

I’m not saying Madanna isn’t capable of buying another child. But I do agree that if the bio family doesn’t want the child to leave the country then that is the wish of the family.

Yes it is very poor over there and the percentage of life expectancy is half then ours. But that is the norm for that culture.
Women marry younger and have kids younger and are grown up at the age of 13. We shouldn’t push our beliefs just because we think we’re the better country.

And if you think that Madanna doesn’t need pubicity, think again, She’s didn’t make it cause of her singing alone.

You are full of s*** and I’m saying this as an adopted child. I was born in Guatemala - though I don’t remember much from there. All I know is that the orphanage that was supposed to take care of me didn’t.

I am thankful a nice Jewish couple adopted me. Even though they divorced, I became much better off than I would have in the so-called “orphanage.”

But for you, and other politically correct people, this isn’t about what’s best for the child. It’s about putting Madonna, the most successful female singer of the century, in her place. We love to put spoiled, rich woman down.

I’m sure all the critics of this adoption are running around now, so happy and excited because a girl will be languishing in an orphanage where most kids die of aids before they turn 10.

Nancy, I’m sorry if I’m harsh. I want to assure you that I’m no big fan of Madonna either. But I want you to watch this video to still see if you have the same opinion:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/64450/i-am-because-we-are