German imaginary ailment specialists have given the go-ahead and officially recognized Mausarm (computer mouse arm) as a new Berufskrankheit (occupational ailment).

Intensive use of the computer mouse at work (not at home, mind you) can lead to serious health problems in Germany. It leads to pains in the hand which become a pain in the neck for anyone else who has to hear about them all the time and therefore need to be taken very seriously, the experts say. They also say that one shouldn’t “count pennies” when purchasing a mouse, which is apparently another serious problem here.

You see if you click around on your el cheapo work mouse too long this can lead to Sehnenscheidenentzündungen (inflammation of the synovial sheath of tendon) and you don’t want that (well I sure the hell don’t) because although it may only start out as a pain in the thumb you then realize that you can’t move it properly anymore and after that your arm starts turning all black and skinny and you begin squeaking uncontrollably and you get this uncontrollably urge to eat cheddar cheese all the time. Just joking. At any rate, let’s face it. This is absolutely the last thing that any of us can use right now, skinny black arm or not.

Ironically, many long-term unemployed in Germany have had Mausarm for years already and didn’t even know it. They are now relieved to have found out exactly what it is that has been bothering them and will now be using this awful ailment as a new excuse to turn down work being offered them. Many older employees here (over forty) are also now aware of why it is they have been so unhappy over the years and hope to use Mausarm as a means to seek early retirement.

This puts the frequent visits to Onkel Dokter into a whole new perspective. Well no, actually it doesn’t.

So if you have any further questions about this troubling condition, please don’t hesitate to contact the Bundesanstalt für Arbeitsschutz und Arbeitsmedizin (Federal Agency for Employment Security and Medicine) in your area.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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