If they still diss you, or want to, that just means they’re sad, pathetic people that never grew up. They probably now feel obsolete since they’re no longer in school, and long past their glory days of “ruling” their classmates. It says much more about them than it ever will about you.

Thanks for the post. I hadn’t seen this.

This is like meeting your ex at a party, except you can’t read the non-verbal clues online. It’s a chance for you to see how far you’ve come and what you still need to work on. It’s about you getting past your past and taking charge of creating a joyous and bully-free inner world so you can also create one in your outer world.

There are no rules or best ways that you should be with them. You have free rein.
* If they don’t apologize, or if they pretend that nothing bad happened, or if they try to justify what they did by saying that it was your fault or the fault of people victimizing them, cut off contact immediately. You’re not their therapist. Let them deal with their own stuff. If they pursue you like the person in the first paragraph of your post who took no responsibility, do whatever you have to in order to stop them.
* If you don’t want any contact, even if they want to apologize, don’t have any. Their need to apologize is their problem. Or you can accept their apology graciously and say that you still don’t want to have any contact.
* Your job is not to “forgive,” as most people use the word. Your job is to make the past so small that it doesn’t get in the way of your present and future. That means that you rarely think about the old incidents and when you do, they’re distant and faint. You don’t get any emotional charge from the memory. Of course, when they try to come back into your life, you’ll remember. Do you want to open up that old wound?
* If you want to have continued contact, open up stepwise and cautiously. It’s fine to say that you don’t trust someone. As a metaphor, see if they’re trustworthy with a quarter, then a dollar, then five dollars before you open up more.

I think you’ve asked the right question; “Why on earth do you want to be with those people again?” Add new and better people, without baggage, to your present and future.

As I show in my books and CDs of case studies, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same. That’s why we can find ways to stop most of them.

If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

Disclosure: In addition to having six children, I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. Check out my website and blog at BulliesBeGone (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com).

Best wishes,
Ben