Bullying is Good for Kids?
As I was sorting through my daily Google Alerts, I found this article amongst the bunch. As a rule of thumb, I try and write about bullying and abuse by peers that occurs in the United States. However, this article which came from India really jumped out at me. If the title alone is not discouraging, the article itself is chop full of reasons to defend this problem we face. How can bullying be a good thing?
I understand the fact that children need to learn that life is hard and not always nice. That’s true; this is a dog eat dog society and people will throw one another under the bus to get what they want. It can be a vicious cycle. I think its important to teach children to stand up for themselves and take an assertive approach to the world. Also, its important to learn good leadership and healthy social skills so they can learn to get along with others and be productive. Conflict resolution is vital in the world today. Children do need to grow up learning these things.
One the flip side, when is abuse good? Abuse is not healthy folks. Constantly verbally, physically and sexually attacking others is not healthy. Since when is it good to beat someone down and break them to a point where some never recover a good thing? I guess this means someone developing depression, PTSD and social anxiety is a good thing too? This stuff happening daily in schools and the workplace is a good thing?
It’s a matter of limits folks! Knowing when it’s a matter of standing up for oneself and others and when it goes into abuse is vital in this. Children can learn healthy behaviors and grow up to be productive without this nonsense occurring. The bottom line is that people need to understand when and where to draw the line. Its pretty simple once you think about it. Teasing, joking around and such is just that; teasing and joking around. Friends do this and all in fun. However, it becomes an issue of peer abuse when the person says “Stop! Its not funny” or other things indicating that the situation is not but hurtful. “No means NO and stop means STOP.” When someone indicates they are bothered by the behavior then its time to stop! You can tell when someone is being hurt or affected as its not that hard. Really, it’s a matter of teaching this to children. Once they learn this, as adults, they will have this understanding can set these limits for their own children.
Limits and knowing them are everything in this. Bullies have no sense of boundaries and while they are young, its important to catch this and teach them this. Otherwise, they grow up believing rules do not apply to them and they have carte blanche to do as they please. Rules and laws exist for a reason. People just have to learn them and understand them. Its not different with the problem of bullying. In my opinion, this is healthy for everyone.
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.
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9 users commented in " Bullying is Good for Kids? "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a Trackbackwell here we are in a society that says that being bullied is a way to make our kids strong. Being bullies teaches our children tht they are not important and their family members who should be their heros are not all educated on the law and the kids look to them ofr help yet if there is no knowledge of the law then the parents become non heros and shut out. From that point on it takes an aqct from God to bring the child back.
In todays society when a child goes to the personel at a school they are told to suck it up ignore it etc. Well the fact is the bullied child is sucking it up and as it builds, it is the ammo for the Bullycide. To many kids have taken or attempted to take their own life whe it need not be this way. If we do not educate the adults in the world and teach them that it is not ok to allow this then fqact stands, the blood is on your hands. As I have said before, These children are loaned to us straight from God and Id hate to be the one who has to explain why I didnt do something to protect his children.
It is time for America and all other countries to realize that a child whom has shot themselves and sustains perminent brain damage will need someone to take care of them Who will do that . Fact is is if no one steps up to help then we will have no one to provide for the world and take care of us. Bullycide is real and if it isnt stopped, we are in for a living hell!
Thank you Guidedbywolf, well said!
Yeah, well I can tell you first hand why its not good for kids, and it pisses me off everytime someone says hey its good for you. Ya know maybe some of them thought wow, it was good for me, but the rest of us are trying to deal with it. Some of us are lucky to be around anymore due to it. Long term impacts on severe bullying survivors mimic many traits of soldiers coming back from war. Night sweats, waking to horrible dreams, delayed development to the brain, speech problems, migraines, and living with it every single moment of our life. You see brian I don’t even have to close my eyes, and its there, I lose track of time getting sucked back into them, it SUCKS. I go and talk about this to others, because so many others are being affected by this. I simply walk through schools and maybe its a gift to be able to see these hurting kids out of a large number of kids, but inside you know all to well the damage it tolls on them. You can’t express it in words, it comes out as emotions. We fall down a lot, and find us picking ourselves back up, always reassuring ourselves that we are ok, and we have a right to EXIST. Kids who are tormented in school try so hard not to exist, and later in adult life there is a battle that rages, one that wants to exist, to open back up, to be social again. How are they supposed to do that, when they have been isolated for so long, no social experience, and yet they try so hard, and put on that brave face everyday. At work they hold conversation, trying to fit in, yet they won’t hold a freindship down for years in that process. Never do they go out, and always they isolate at home. It gives you a life filled with nervousness, a life of nothing. In their family genome it becomes pretty apparent that one parent is a social butterfly, and the other is so reserved that they don’t do much of anything. The kids, however, show signs of being very social and attached to the outgoing person. The person affected sits at their computer all day long, and they simply lose themselves to viewing all this crap done to them for so long, and they can’t help it. They ask themselves how do I get rid of this, how do I go on and win this battle, how, how, how? Its like a voice from beneath concrete, one that wants to escape, but there is so much on top of you, so much to deal with, so much to consider. From below you are safe, up above is danger, and the person has to decide how bad they want to surface or remain trapped. Thats all I am going to say for now.
Bullies become the feral children of society when no daycare worker, teacher or parent supervises their behavior/attitude and makes them accountable. I knew one parent that felt it was good for her son to “handle” things himself and didn’t intervene, but his method was pure intimidation until other parents wouldn’t allow him to play with their kids.
He felt their anger and became more obnoxious because he realized he was unlikable, but he was too young to know how to respond. He commited suicide years later, which may be partly due to people not addressing his problems early on. Children need to know proper skills to difficult situations, as well as the message of tolerance for what they percieve as differences.
Val I agree kids need rules,boundries,and they need to be taught respect for not only there elders but also there peers. They need to learn to communicate and express themselves properly and there parents need to wake the heck up and take a look at there children and be pro activ in helping them to become successfull parts of soceity not only for the future but NOW in there adolecents…
They need to be taught that differences are only character attributes and that it takes alot of characters for anything to be neat…I know that sounds lame but its true..just cus someone isnt the same dont mean you should kick there butts..and intimidate and opress them…and these children need that guidance from there parents they need to have parents who give a ratts backside about them and there day to day activities…they need parents to step in and solve the situation showing there kids how its done…not just looking the other way..oh its part of life…thats the easy way out…they need to lend a hand and better there children now before they are out on there own when its not children they are dealing with or when they have there own children they need to break the chain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt-_KhW0G7I&feature=channel_page
I think everyone needs to look at this.
This is so crazy! I do not want my kid bullied do you? There are some really stupid out there, Dont you wish we could have all put on a ship and send them where?
Well said, Pickles! Your kids are lucky to have you.
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