Son of Thor

When I opened my mail and saw this DVD, I was excited.  There’s a blurb from a review on the case, also the only featured, and it says that this film is, and I quote, “the best Viking movie ever.”  Had I just stumbled upon another underappreciated sub-sub-genre of movies which would turn into a cultural treasure trove for me?  Could Viking movies become what zombies movies already are to me?  Would Erik the Red take a place in my heart next to Godzilla?  Turns out the answer is an emphatic no and it’s all because of this movie, now ready for you on DVD.

Starting this December 9th, now available on DVD from Koch Entertainment and SKD A Synkronized Company comes a Viking tale about the start of the great Eastern Bear.  A Viking Saga – Son Of Thor is ready to stumble out of your television screen and stink up your whole living room.  Bring home this exciting Northern adventure story today!

This movie tells the story of the battle that allows the consolidation of a region that led to the founding of Russia.  Helgi was a ten year old boy who saw his whole village slaughtered and ran away to the east.  He met his uncle Rurik there, who raised Helgi like his own child.  During this time, Helgi got into the habit of eating hallucinogenic mushrooms and viewing his trips as visions from the gods.  Years later, while sailing with his new fellow villagers on a trading mission, he runs into the two kings who slaughtered his old village.  Now is the time for vengeance, but how will the final battle turn out?

This film does not include any special features.  That’s unfortunate, because I would like to see an explanation of exactly how they made a movie which was that genuinely awful.  In other interesting news about this film, it has won five awards at film festivals, including the Washougal International Film Festival, the First Take International Film Festival, the Bare Bones International Film Festival and the Accolade Editing Competition.  That’s beyond belief!

I hardly know where to begin when it comes to this movie.  Here’s a quick rundown of why you shouldn’t watch this film.  There are scenes where some shots, although only seconds apart, take place during the day and then the next shot is at night then right back to daytime with the next.  Does no one pay attention during editing?  Also, most of the shots don’t show the actors’ mouths when they speaking and all the lines run together, so it’s nearly impossible to tell what’s spoken, what’s an interior monologue and what’s narration.  The fight scenes are hideous, especially the fact that well over half are shot with only one person in the frame at a time so they are just swinging at empty air and then they show the other person.  Not only that, but the camera this film was shot with is so terrible that when it would pan, it would go out of focus.  The camera could not move and stay in focus.  The camera on my cell phone can do that.  This movie is so bad that it’s not even fun to watch as a guilty pleasure.

This Son is a real bastard.

This DVD is available at Amazon.com.

Nathaniel Jonet

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