Tired of continually being asked “Where was the wall?” by all of those countless tourists who come to visit the city every year, a Berlin company called Mauerguide has “like had it totally up to here” or something and will start handing out hand-sized minicomputers next week which will show these annoying Quälgeister (nuisances) just where the damned thing stood already.

They’ll be handing them out for a hefty fee, of course, but this being a way cool and high-speed new economy type technology, everybody will understand and shell out the bucks, they hope.

Linked to global positioning satellites, these handy little Handy-like devices (a cell phone is called a Handy here) will show anyone with a need to know not only where the infamous Cold War monstrosity once stood (practically all of it is gone today, that’s why everybody keeps asking), they will virtually be able to take a virtual tour along the near 100 miles of virtual thing. Which, of course, virtually no one with any sense will do.

It’s not a bad idea as far as gadgets go, I guess. But while they’re at it, why don’t they offer a plug-in virtual guide to other frequently asked about location stuff? You know, like a Hitler’s bunker or forgotten tunnels module, or a “Doesn’t Heidi Klum live here anywhere?” unit. Who knows? Before too long they might even offer a “Where was old Tempelhof airport?” plug-in.

“After fifty feet, run into the Sony Center. Then turn right.”

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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