In yet another futile attempt to overcome the decades of pacifism they and their fellow Germans have been forced to endure after that unfortunate World War II thing (and those rather unpleasant Nazi atrocities many still associate with it), a renegade and somewhat drunken German special forces unit has taken the initiative and attacked Great Britain once again, on their weekend off, this time using a rusty old German underwater mine they set off near anything-but-heavily-populated Stert Island in Sommerset. Several fish and a seagull were killed instantly.

The six drunken prankster German soldiers leading the surprise attack then disappeared just as quickly as they had come, into numerous pubs located all along Bridgewater Bay, repeatedly. British military intelligence officials are still trying to locate them and believe that the soldiers were aroused into action after repeatedly watching “The Red Baron” in their barracks’ Kino (theater) in Kiel late Friday night and early Saturday morning while simultaneously holding long and tortured discussions about their country’s reluctance to introduce a proper military decoration for bravery and daringness much less drunkenness while simultaneously drinking more beer than three fully submerged German Type 209 Attack Submarines can displace when fully submerged.

It should be noted (a little more on the serious side), that despite Germany’s reluctance to become more heavily involved in the fighting down south in Afghanistan, for instance, “Twenty-five German soldiers have died in Afghanistan so far. But, however much they distinguish themselves, their country still offers them no award. Germany needs the equivalent of Britain’s Victoria Cross or America’s Medal of Honor.”

The Iron Cross is still a bit too hot to handle at the moment it seems, having been tainted by association with the Nazi era, but it now appears that many a German soldier might not “mine” wearing it, if only given the opportunity to do so. And if properly drunk, of course. “Mine”, get it?

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