As a necessary counterweight to the excesses of the women’s rights movement, a men’s right movement has developed to fight for equity in the courts, in the family and in the workplace. For instance, in divorces there is significant and insurmountable (unless you have lots of money) obstacles to getting a fair custody decision regarding your children. Restraining orders are given away easily and have been used as weapons in divorce cases even when there is no evidence of abuse. There clearly is a need to stop the abuse men suffer from the excesses of the women’s rights movement.
The problem with the movement, which is the same problem with the women’s rights movement, is that adoption of the victim-enemy moniker that the press imposes on every issue. Anyone who does marketing for television will tell you this is the format to present any issue if you want news coverage: one, pick a victim and tell a sob story. This victim must be presented as angelic, an innocent victim of a cruel and obstinate system without regard for truth. Two, find a villain. This villain is the epitome of moral evil and must be destroyed. For many issues, referring to George W. Bush suffices (which is why political discourse in this country is so worthless).
Villains cannot be compromised with, they must be defeated. They are the bad guys and we need to stick up for the good guys at all costs. The problem is that compromise becomes unthinkable and even seeing the legitimate points of view of the other side is out of the question. To see this play out, see any political debate show talking about the election.
While there are significant injustices the men suffer as documented in Steven Baskerville’s fine book Taken Into Custody, there are injustices that women have and still do suffer also.
Retraining orders are far too easy to get without any evidence whatsoever (go ahead and sit in a courtroom and watch a hearing for one if you don’t believe me), but on the other hand there are men (and women) out there who are physically abusive and could care less about that piece of paper a court order is written on. People go to the system for help and they don’t get the help they need. We can all agree that no innocent woman or man should not be protected against an abuser. Surely there is some middle ground to address both sides.
Therein lies the difficulty. Activist groups, if they want even an ounce of press or public pressure, must adopt from the start that the other side is evil and wants to screw the innocent. Compromise is not only difficult, it’s impossible. All these groups then rank legislators on their absolute compliance with their agenda. Any leeway on their part makes them unacceptable.
So thinks have settled into a nice little détente where the men’s rights and women’s rights movements resort to outright name-calling instead of reasoned debate to improve the status of all people. With some issues, such rhetoric is not a big deal. In this case, we are dealing with families where peace should reign. Instead we have dueling groups that wage their war and leave the family asunder. Families are the building block of society, and as goes the family, so goes society.
It may be tempting for the men’s rights movement to say “let’s not compromise until they do”, but even from a political standpoint, if it is an all-or-nothing fight the women’s groups have more clout and that is that. Adopting a more holistic approach is also a political necessity if they don’t want to be side-lined.
It is long past time for policy makers and policy advocates to drop the all-or-none attitude and start to find a middle ground to find beneficial policies for what is best for the entire family. In an all-or-nothing fight, one side may win, but in the end we all lose.
John Bambenek is a freelance columnist and writer as well as an academic professional at the University of Illinois. He is on the board of the Illinois Alliance for Parents and Children.
63 users commented in " The Problem with the Men’s Rights Movement "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackI beat eveyone here ! I better read above to be sure I want to support this blog first.
I Found it.
2 users OMG we can fill this up fast.
hello…roll call, are you gals with me ?
Hmmm. Sounds like Alec Baldwin
woo hoo, we don’t have to suport it, but we can bash it it lol who’s gonna know any way lol
For the gentleman who wrote this article…Don’t feel pleased that there are now many posters in here…we are only visiting from the “Caylee Anthony” blog for a while. We do feel strongly about Men’s rights only when you combine them with the Miranda rights…..”You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you”…..
present, Captain
Kris,
I second that motion
Wouldn’t it be a trip if Dakdude followed…How ironic…he would be the only male in the room! Fair game/ open season….lol.
jan might mosey in to join us LMAO! i picture her as being a strong woman…even though she’s not here i say you get you some girl ! and all men are pigs lol just kidding, but i’m not…all men in some respect are warped
Now who are we going to ask to join us?
I like juducas & Sharon & kimcon
Do we want Dak let’s vote.
oh absolutely we must get dak in here LMAO ! i’m so cruel ! but i’ll be good, let him in if he wants…i’ve actually been trying to warm up to him, but he makes it really hard
i say anyone who wants too join, i hate to leave others out, just think how they must feel…we’ll fill this one up and move on lol
Ok he’s in
Throughout all my relationships the only one I miss is my ex husband..I filed against him,but deeply regret doing so. I realized in the last 9 years just what is important in life, and not to let little things get to you. Don’t sweat the small stuff, it took all my surgeries a few deaths of family and friends, and a comparative with whom I’m with now (as sorry as I am to say that) to realize that he had excellant qualities in a man. If I ever get out of this relationship (need my health back first)…I am convinced I will be celibate and care less if I get involved again. My daughter is enough love I feel.
Just as long as they know they we stray off of the Caylee story.
i’ve always been for the underdog, i always got along with the popular ones and also the the non popular ones, it never impacteded me, i was always ok not being one or the other
Is your ex-husband remarried?
Here, with my sweats, Happy Bunny slippers and Kahlua vanilla!
“impacted” sabrina? Do you need a suppository? lol!
catherine, cool with me…we aren’t on a caylee blog there for we doicuss caylee or may not choose to discuss the case
Hi Jeannie
Welcome to our little hideaway.
to each their own !
I heard he was…but I wish there was a way to contact him…I’ve tried a few times through a few friends. I did just before one of my surgeries because I needed someone to tell him that my will was made, and I left an immense amount of things to him. I still am in love with him and have pined over my hasty decision to file. I wish there was something else I could do, but I don’t know.
Sabrina,
Your right! Open forum
sabrina! still looking for that dam worm. lol is it dam or damm?
Kris,
Hire a detective. They will find him real quick.
hi jeannie…anything goes, what ever subject you choose…if you noticed the title at the top of the page we can go with that….OR we can bash it LMAO ! it’s all reletive ! OR we can talk about caylee, or just be goof offs like kris and catherine choose to be
bartender set up another round!
I have a good idea of where he lives now…and even still have his number for his desk at work from when we were together. But I am afraid if he is in a situation where he is happy of making waves. I don’t know if he is or not to be honest but I wouldn’t want his wife to file a lawsuit or something or become extremely hostile if I call him.
I’ll have another, please
sharon ! i think you swallowed it already ! girl LMAO ! you should be having visions right now ! isn’t that what the bottle says ? do…not…eat…the…worm…twitch…twitch…LMAO !
Guess I’m at the right place talking to a bartender about my “love” whoas. Just give me a beer or glass of wine to cry into. lol.
If you guys are talking about tequila…The worm is hallucinogenic if you eat it. You will wind up tripping like you are on acid.
Well, I would call. Life is short, if he’s married or involved just say that you have been thinking about him and wanted to say hello.
Kris,
You should eat the worm. It will make you feel better.
sabrina i have bluuuuurred vision.
kris yes eat the worm.
ok ok OK, i just have to say something ! kris my friend, to start with, if my hubby had disconnected my washer or dryer he would have been paying a repairman bill to fix it…my hubby has tried that crap with me, it didn’t take him no time to fix what he had disconnected after acted dumb and said hmmm somthing is wrong with my washer…he was more idiotic than ever, i stood inside and giggled
I am afraid of things I think I might hear. I would feel crushed if he gives me the speech about you got to move on, or start a new chapter and not dwell in the past. I was young and nieve’ then and feel I could’ve given him a whole lot more to miss in me not being there as a wife, but I don’t feel I was the wife that I could’ve been..if that makes sense. I never cheated or anything like that, but I just wasn’t very close or affectionate like I should have been back then. I met him when I was 18 and we married when I was 23.
I would rather know where I stand than just not ever know. You have nothing to really lose at this time in your life. Maybe he feels the same way about you.
The alternative is to just stay put, and do nothing but, dream of what could have been.
sabrina…the one I’m with now is not very understanding..he is extremely controlling. I need to have my health first to answer the question I know everyone asks (why don’t you leave), not only that the doctors do not wish me to live alone because of the fact that my fever get so high in the middle of the night. And I know what they are thinking, I could not wake up or possibly a coma from the infection. If I lived alone with my daughter I would not wish her to see mommy not wake up and be alone in the house with me and noonelse. My parents are downsizing right now because of their age they are planning on moving so that leaves noone to really live with and my condition keeps me from living alone.
kris, i recognise your hubby from some where, i’m not sure where…but if he doesn’t treat you with respect then you don’t need him…not that i’m one to talk, i’ve taken abuse as well, girlfriends i really don’t believe there is such a non abusive man, in one way or another
Did you look touch with all his family members?
kris, is there no one for you to turn to ? no family ?
Where did you say you lived again sabrina? He does travel for work alot because he is a lead design engineer for an auto plant.
My brother and I were not very close but we do see each other once in a while…he lives too far from me or where I work for me to live there. And my sister has been disowned by just about all of my family…(long story but if you heard it you would agree with disowning her). So neither I nor my parents have spoken to her in 4 years since the falling out. My sister is 7 years older and brother 14 years older than me. All my close friends I had have all gone off (married, babies..live of their own)..I lost touch when he took control. So there really is not much of an option, but pray that the next surgery will fix me, and then a miracle financially to help with leaving (lottery maybe)… to make the move.
kris, it didn’t register to me until i seen the washer picture, something about his face resembles someone i have seen…oh believe me it has nothing to do with me,,,but he does look very very very familier…i don’t know, now it sort of makes my head spin…i’m in alabama
My husband is not abusive at all, but he is older than I am, and that may have something to do with it. Next time you marry pick someone older, they are too tired too fight. My husband has one sentence he always says to me it’s “yes darling”.
sabrina…He has travelled to Alabama on business too. I know that was back I think in ’06. In ’04-’07 he was in Germany mostly and Italy a few times for business. Then they sent him to Japan the beginning of this year.
catherine also makes it easier to drop kick their balls to the roof of their mouth !LMAO !
My ex husband is 4 years older than me. God I miss him. Too many memories to forget about. I was way too stupid then…but what a great lesson god has taught me. That is why I think I am so involved with these missing children and wanting to help others even charity…because I had to have 9 years of illness and other things happen to make me realize and re-asess myself as a person. I did a complete 360 from my way of thinking back then. It is more important to make others happy and help out, then your fulfillment will come.
The thing that I find saddest is that I am the woman now that I know he would miss..and would be extremely proud of. This one here thinks its a waste of precious time to try to help others and solve cases on the the computer…he is way too self centered. The ex was not…very giving, likable, and funloving.
kris i’m not saying i know him at all…perhaps he simply looks like someone else, only he looks familiar, he really does look like someone i’ve seen befor…yet that could be the same for other people…don’t read anything into it…if i knew for sure i w ould tell you
I wasn’t reading anything into it sabrina…I just know he travels alot, so you might have. As far as jealousy goes, I’ve become numb to all that he says and does through the years so I had to close myself off to the jealousy bug. He is a loose cannon and does not live by the rules of polite society. We all know from the Caylee blogs that sociopaths do not care how they affect people with their actions…so I forced myself not to care with a response. Sort of like a numbness, zombie like…you don’t let anything affect you that they say.
anyone still here…or have we moved again?
i have had to much to drink…i had better go…kris i will try to recognise him, i believe i know him some how, he looks like someone i have seen…i’ll be back with you
Did Catherine leave too? I had a weird feeling a blog like this might put me into a tailspin..I have been missing my ex too much lately.
GOOD MORNING……..I hope all had a great night and no hangovers today. Fall is in the air here, some of the trees have turned and it’s beautiful, I love fall. I lived in torture in Florida all those years, I’m not a hot weather, beachy, sun loving kinda girl. I moved and stayed there for my late husband and now I’m back where we have a change of seasons. Yeeeeeaaaa!!
Kris, My heart breaks for you sweetheart, My husband loved me beyond all earthly things BUT was controling & jealous and I could never love him the way he loved me. He gave me anything I wanted in a material way but I was never totally happy because I could never forget my first love. I feel a lot of guilt over it all now that he’s gone. But on the good side, my health has improved, drastically..!! Maybe yours could too, if you were in a relationship that was happy. Stress, even stress that we don’t know we’re under can affect our physical being without our ever knowing it. I didn’t. Maybe therapy could help you put things in perspective. Help you move out of this relationship, if that’s what you want and need. You have friends here and I for one, will be here for you to vent anytime you feel the need. Maybe your first love has changed but the only way you will know is to contact him but also prepare yourself for an answer you may not want to hear. As far as my first love….he’s been maried 5 times so he and I probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. He also is considered an alcoholic by his family so there you go..!! I enjoy a drink as much as anyone but I’m a take or leave it drinker.
I like this new column “men’s rights”, yeah right….!!!!!!! Altho, I do believe they are persecuted by some women there are others that deserve it. IMHO
we have moved over to a NEW BLOG
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