Planned as a form of shock therapy to force Germans to finally accept and address their relentless aging population crisis, and hopeful of encouraging them to properly reproduce already before their species’ time on earth runs out, German film big wigs have selected a new Martin Scorsese Rolling Stones documentary to open next month’s Berlinale (Berlin Film Festival).

Originally titled “The Joy of Aging – and how to avoid it”, Scorsese was forced to rename his film to the rather lackluster “Shine a Light” instead after the raunchy Berliner comedienne Désirée Nick threatened to sue him otherwise (this being the name of one of her recent stage shows).

Intellectual film types all around town hope that by “shining a light” upon the horrors of ungracious aging like this, they can somehow convince their compatriots to stop aging all together, or at the very least talk them into having children before it’s too late (their compatriots, like I said, not them). Recent figures indicate that even Germans can reproduce properly if they just put their hearts (and other parts) into the right place for once.

Scorsese and the Stones are both expected to make appearances at the festival if they get enough Metamusal and sleep first. The aging Madonna might also get rolled up on stage to promote her latest mainstream obscenity entitled “Filth and Wisdom”, this time in the role of film director because, well, that’s what one does when one can’t act anymore and actually never could.

People try to p-p-put us down! Oh, wait. We didn’t do that one did we, Keith?

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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