The German rap-or-whatever-it-is-they-call-it-now scene has been shocked at the revelation that their pretend-to-be-a-hood singers can get shot at, too (after all, weapons aren’t allowed here, you know). Controversial or something rapper Massiv (as in massive) was massively surprised to get what appeared to be a massive gun all up in his face when an attacker with massively poor aim shot at him three times before slightly wounding him in the arm.

Some even fear now that the long-dreaded “American conditions” are finally near at handgun, I mean hand (American condition stories are the stories told to little German kids at campfires or just before bedtime to scare the crap out of them when they’ve been bad which as you now see is probably more often than you had suspected, for instance).

“This kind of thing has never happened in Germany before,” a shocked spokesman for the shocked rapper said. “We never had any problem spreading our hateful and offensive lyrics and our violence worship in the past. Without anyone getting hateful, offensive and violent back at us, I mean. What has this society come to? Are we living in Detroit now or something?”

Some cynical German journalist types believe that the attack may have been staged for publicity, however. Following the example of German politician Roland Koch with his recent young-foreign-criminal-boot-camp initiative, Massiv and the others may theorize that by pretending to live in a country with real crime, German rap musician pretend-criminals can massively increase their record sales. But, like I said, only cynical German journalist types would believe something like that.

Biggy, Biggy, Biggy, can’t you see? Sometimes your words they hypnotize me.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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