INTERVIEW WITH BABY MUHAMED JAMMEH-THE WATCHMAN 
Watchman: Congratulations on your birth mini Jammeh. How old are you?

Mini Jammeh: I don’t know, a month or two maybe.

Watchman: Mini Jammeh, I hate to sound so obvious but I have been wondering all along, how come you can talk so soon when other all other infants your age just eat and sleep?

Mini Jammeh: Well this shouldn’t surprise you. As you know my Dad has cured AIDS, invented Asthma elixirs and almost wiped out the disease of high blood pressure. He also can make infants accelerate their developmental stages and that’s why I started talking as soon as I was born.

Watchman: Really? So you started talking as soon as you stepped into this world?

Mini Jammeh: Yes. In fact, the doctors at the hospital I was delivered were so shocked one of them nearly dropped me. I told him to be very careful in the way he handled me because Dad would throw a fit if he saw even a tiny scratch on his son.

Watchman: They must have been amazed weren’t they?

Mini Jammeh: Oh yeah. All these pediatric experts flew in to visit me and some wanted me to stay so that IQ tests and other stuff could be run on me but I told them I had to go back home to do some work.

Watchman: Wait a minute mini Jammeh, you are just a baby what kind of work are you talking about?

Mini Jammeh: Well, I hate to admit this but Dad called me at the hospital a few minutes after I was born asking for my help.

Watchman: What was the conversation about?

Mini Jammeh: Well, in between sobs of joy upon hearing my voice, Dad complained about all those stupid secretaries of state who can’t seem to do anything right and how he was going to get rid of a powerful member of his cabinet to make way for me. As a matter of fact on the plane ride home, I got my first assignment as Dad’s right hand man.

Watchman: What’s this assignment?

Mini Jammeh: It is very important. Dad was telling me the other day I need to learn to do two things. The first is smile for the cameras every time he shows me off to the public. The second is to crawl around statehouse and pretend to play like an innocent baby while listening to anyone who might say something bad about Dad.

Watchman: But I thought that’s what the NIA was responsible for?

Mini Jammeh: Look, it’s somewhat complicated okay. Dad tells me he doesn’t trust everyone in the NIA and tells me he knows some of them hate him.

Watchman: Your Excellency, how come you’re wearing oversized shoes? Don’t they look 10 times your normal size?

Mini Jammeh: Dad is grooming me to feel how it is to step into a big man’s shoes. It is never too late to start early. People out there criticize Dad when he spanks people a little now and then. They don’t know how hard it is to run a country. Every time I wear these shoes and try to walk and fall down, I understand how hard it is for Dad.

Watchman: Who’s that guy behind you with the bunch of keys?

Mini Jammeh: That’s my driver.

Watchman: You have a driver? You don’t use a stroller?

Mini Jammeh: I like being driven around in Hummers and waving to the masses.

Watchman: But you are so tiny. Can anyone see your hand through the windows?

Mini Jammeh: Dad hires people to stand by the side of the road.

Watchman: What don’t like most about being a baby?

Mini Jammeh: I hate it when I have to be changed. I know everyone is supposed to kiss my behind because I am mini Jammeh but sometimes the attention is too much.

Watchman: You mean you’d rather change yourself?

Mini Jammeh: Yes, but Mum says even though I can talk well I’m not too good in physical activities. Dad wanted me to use steroids but was warned against it.

Watchman: Anything you want to say to the Gambian people?

Mini Jammeh: I want them to know that I understand they love my Dad but once they get to know me, they’ll love me even better than him. So I urge them to keep voting for my Dad until I am old enough to stand for elections when I’m 12. If they think my Dad has achieved so much for The Gambia, imagine what I can do for them.

Watchman: Thanks mini Jammeh.

Mini Jammeh: Don’t mention it. 
Contact author: gambiaswatchman@gmail.com.

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