“The fashion system must adapt to the reality that there is no strong difference between summer and winter any more . . .”
So said Beppe Modenese, founder of Milan Fashion Week, in an interview with the New York Times. Another day, another revelation about the potential for global warming-related chaos and economic disaster.
We already knew that because of man’s crimes against nature the planet may be careening uncontrollably toward catastrophe, but until now, who has bothered to worry about how the fashion industry would be affected? Is it possible that some of the world’s supermodels could be thrown out of work? Oh my god, where will it end? I’m aghast at the prospect. Someone please get Bushitler/Cheney/Halliburton to sign off on Kyoto before it’s too late!
Or could it be that they’ll all keep their jobs, but will be modeling skimpy, summer-like clothing all year round? Hey, I’m not so aghast anymore. Looks like there could be a distinct upside to this global warming thing. And anyway, since Kyoto lets some of the world’s biggest polluters like China and India completely off the hook, it’s nothing more than a feel-good gesture to assuage liberals’ guilty consciences.
All jokes aside, though, Big Fashion is worried enough that many retail giants are enlisting climate experts to help them figure out everything from fabric types to the timing of retail deliveries and seasonal markdowns. I hate to tell them this, but if the climate really is changing rather than going through just another of its marked fluctuations as it is wont to do, I don’t think climate experts are going to be able to pinpoint the changes with such extraordinary accuracy that they’ll be able to optimize the timing of deliveries and sales. I mean, how often does your local weatherman nail the forecast three days out?
But never mind such inconvenient truths. Big Climate knows there’s money to be made and it’s going to ride the global warming gravy train until it either runs off the tracks when the next cooling cycle cranks up or until human civilization lies in charred ruins, literally, due to its insatiable greed and insufferable arrogance.
In the meantime, Target now plans on selling swimwear year-round and we have some swishy fashionista telling us, unselfconsciously and in all seriousness, that there is “no strong difference between summer and winter any more.” Tell that to anyone who lives north of, say, Tallahassee. Come to think of it, tell it to the good people of Tallahassee themselves.
So far this year they’ve experienced 18 degrees back in February and 102 in July. That’s an 84 degree span in a five-month period. Call me crazy, but that sounds like a seasonal change. It seems pretty safe to say that just about anybody who isn’t living in a near hermetically sealed, fully climate-controlled artificial environment would be able to tell the difference between 18 and 102 degrees. (Especially a razor-thin supermodel with 0% body fat.)
Maybe it’s not quite time to throw out all the winter wardrobes just yet. If it can get down to 18 degrees in Florida even as Big Climate annually insists it’s the warmest year on record for Planet Earth, then maybe seasonal changes aren’t quite yet a thing of the past. And somebody ought to let Target know that there aren’t going to be very many people north of Fort Lauderdale swimming in January.
Greg Strange provides conservative commentary with plenty of acerbic wit on the people, politics, events and absurdities of our time. See more at his website: http://www.greg-strange.com/.