They say that sex sells and certainly in our ever-increasingly relative and libertarian society, it would appear that this has been more than good a marketing tactic graduating to the level of everyday behavior. There has been a concerted effort to sexualize society since the 60’s if not even before that for a myriad of purposes. Whether it was for the purpose of corrupting children or just to make a buck, in the 21st century, sex isn’t just for making babies anymore. This is not something to be happy about.

In the past few years there have been a bevy of stories concerning sex at school’s across the country. Either the students are having it with each other during school hours or the teachers are having sex with students. Some of these teachers have been young, attractive women which has spawned one of the more ridiculous moral debates in America: is it child molestation when the teacher is in her 20’s and hot and the victim is a teenage boy? To any rational adult the answer is of course yes but misogyny is not dead and so people actually still argue that it doesn’t count if the victim is a boy – then he’s just one lucky dude.

Now I’m of the opinion that no adult should be having sex with any child under 18 for any reason and when they are they should be summarily punished within the context of the law. There are an whole host of variables, both social, environmental and psychological that lead to these episodes of teacher/student sex and for one think that this a serious issue which needs to be dealt throughout our society. However, I also believe that teachers are doing themselves any favors by getting all bent out of shape over this silly ad.

The now notorious “Flat Buns” ad ran during a broadcasted Tennessee Titans game. One of the viewers, Dr. Earl Wiman, president of the Education Association of Tennessee saw it and immediately ran to a microphone to express his outrage. “At this very moment, there are female teachers in high school classrooms with 30-plus students who are working hard to teach our children so that they can compete in today’s world. It is unbelievably demeaning,” Dr. Earl Wiman, president of the Education Association said.

So instead of doing the hard work of examining where the family and personal responsibility systems are breaking down throughout the country, we’re instead going to blame a 30-second commercial for chaos in the classroom. First off, after about 2 seconds of the commercial the focus moves from her as any faux figure of authority to the two crackers and their silly rap. I’ve watched it a number of times now and each time I forget that they are even in a classroom. To me it just seems like an old hair metal video (more on that in a moment).

Critics such as Wiman and phony outrage exploiter par excellence Bill O’Reilly have stated that the commercial is a offensive because it exploits the real life perverted sexual relationships between a handful of female teachers and some male students. O’Reilly even said on his show that this one the most offensive thing he’d ever seen. This is the same man that was attacking Ludacris on a regular basis, but “Flat Buns” was even more horrific than that guy.

Now maybe it’s just me but I seem to recall that the teacher/student fantasy is not all that new or even risqué. For example, didn’t Van Halen write an entire SONG about it roughly 25 years ago called “Hot For Teacher”?

Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.

The bottom line is simply that once again, rather than try to get at the heart of why there are breakdowns in the classroom, officials and pundits are settling for ratings grabbing laziness of phony outrage. This silly commercial makes a better scapegoat that actually trying to get parents to actually parent their children and demanding they allow teachers to do their job rather than sue them for giving their poor babies too much homework or “gasp” detention when they inevitably do something wrong.

The problem I have with this whole phony “Flat Buns” controversy is that it belies America’s once healthy sense of satire.

Anyone with a least a modicum of pop culture memory should clearly see that “Flat Buns” is a parody of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back (I like big butts),” which was a response to all of the rock video’s of the 80’s featuring a blonde woman dancing and writhing much like the teacher in the “Flat Buns ad.

I don’t think it serves us well to continually become more hypersensitive over what is out there in the media. I understand and appreciate not wanting children to see certain images and that is fine. I’m all for V-chips and ratings systems but ultimately parents have to parent which means watching their children carefully and restricting what they are exposed to. Let the adult themes be for adults and keep them away from children. But we seem to more and more want to overreact and throw the baby out with bathwater. As it is Hardy’s/Carl’s JR has responded to the pressure of both EA of T and American Family’s Association by recutting the commercial without the blond dancer. It’s not the end of world and I’m not proclaiming an end to free speech in American but this sort of thing does make me nervous. It is precisely the kind of satire/parody/blue humor that has given countless hours of great comedy such as the Chappelle Show and Mind of Mencia. If we continue down this path of constantly declaring everything offensive for the lamest of reasons, inevitably we will irretrievably damage one of the countries greatest assets, our sense of humor. Believe or not, it’s one of the few elements of our national culture that separates us from our enemies like Hamas who use Disney characters to spread messages of hate.

Phony outrage and hypersensitivity does nothing but hide the real problems in our society and misdirects our resources so that real solutions are never found. By focusing on “Flat Buns” rather than the real reasons why there are behavioral and educational problems in the classroom, we simply perpetuate a serious growing problem instead of solving it. On top of that, when we santitize and prohibit those who use blue humor to entertain us (adults) we miss out on truly brilliant work. In today’s hypersensitive and lazy age, Mel Brooks would have never have been able to make “History of the World Part 1” out of fear that he would be criticized on the O’Reilly Factor for being an Al Qaeda sympathizer.

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