While holding yet another punctilious, humorless and bureaucratic pep talk lecture, German foreign minister Frank Steinmeier has announced that Germans are no longer punctilious, humorless and bureaucratic.

“These are all a bunch of meaningless stereotypes that have nothing to do with reality,” said the fusty minister to the scrupulously correct and well-behaved audience, who suddenly seemed at a loss as to how best react to this comment. One guy in the back row even considered raising his hand to ask for a second but thankfully, the minister went on before he could.

“We are not a bunch of soul-searching robots on some therapist’s couch somewhere. Just think of the World Cup! We Germans have learned to laugh, sometimes even at ourselves. “And besides,” he continued. “How could we all fit on that therapist’s couch at the same time anyway? Ha, ha.” The crowd took the cue and began laughing wildly at this clearly humorous comment for two to three seconds before stopping abruptly so the minister could continue.

“And that is why I have come here today to ask you all to read this bestselling book by Matthias Matussek about us Germans and why the others could be fond of us. It is called: We Germany – Why the Others Could Be Fond of Us.”

“No. Not now!” he then snapped, seeing that the entire audience had immediately opened up the promotional copies of the book handed out to them beforehand and were now all reading meticulously. “We are still im Dienst (at work),” he grumbled. “Read this book at home, of course. Bitte.”

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